Charlie shook her head. “At my age, I doubt many would follow me if they still thought I was a man.”
Jaxon nodded. “You’ll be lucky if you find one who’ll want to keep you on as second mate.”
“First mate,” she corrected. “My father told me a few days before he was killed, he intended to get rid of Byron and promote me.”
Jaxon’s dubious look said it all. What man would take a position as captain with the female owner as first mate? He was sure a captain desperate enough for employment would take the position, but he also knew the man that desperate, would probably be a drunk or someone incompetent.
“Take your time and hire the right man.”
“I’ll probably have to go to a larger port to find someone. I’m tempted to fire everyone, put her in dry-dock and hire a new crew when she’s been refitted.”
“Go back to your old life?”
“Aye,” she said quietly. “If I change the ship’s name, I think I could get away with it.”
Charlie could barely contain her emotions at the thought of going back to her old life. How could she go back to that lonely existence when she had tasted this other life?
“I can’t do anything until Grayson returns.”
“Of course.”
“If you’ll excuse me, my ship is a disaster.”
“I’ll send our lock picker in a minute.”
“Thank you, Jaxon,” she said as she walked through the door.
28
The knock came on her cabin door within ten minutes of her return to her ship.
“Enter,” she called out lifting her head from her task of updating her logbook.
“Sir, the captain from The Dragon’s Lair is here,” Benjy said poking his head in the door.
“Ma’am,” she heard Jaxon correcting from behind the door.
“Right, ma’am. And he’s got his locksmith with him.”
Charlie rose from her desk and came towards the door. “Assemble the men on deck in fifteen minutes, Benjy. All hands.”
“Aye, sir.”
“Ma’am,” Jaxon corrected again.
“Aye, sir. Ma’am.”
Charlie pulled the door open the rest of the way as Benjy hurried off to do her bidding. Standing next to Jaxon was the third man who had helped take her uniform. Charlie involuntarily took a step backwards and cursed before she got control of herself.
Her face became stony and she stepped forward crossing her arms across her chest. Jaxon didn’t miss the short-lived instinctual reaction to the sight of Romy and realized he must’ve been one of the men who stripped her. He didn’t understand how she could hide her emotions like that.
“How’s the shoulder?” she asked icily looking straight at Romy.
“My shoulder’s fine, it’s my ribs that still ache.”
“It’s the door at the end of the corridor.”
After Romy had stepped away, Jaxon asked if he could come in. Charlie stepped back allowing him entrance and he closed the door.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t realize he was with Daniel.”
“What’s done is done.”
Jaxon nodded absently looking around at her sparse cabin.
“Did you want something?” she asked.
“I—” Jaxon pulled at his collar. “It’s just a matter of…. Criminy, Charlie, I ruined you. I was brought up to take responsibility for my actions and….”
“I release you from your duty,” she said tersely. She didn’t want him to marry her because he felt he had to.
“But no man—”
“It doesn’t signify. I should imagine, you are the only man who will ever ask me.”
Jaxon stared at her unable to fathom why she would ever believe he was her only chance at marriage. She was beautiful and kind and had a strength and fire about her that was irresistible.
“Even if I can’t find a captain who will let me serve, I’m still half-owner and entitled to fifty percent of the owner’s cut. I don’t have to have a husband to support me like other women.”
“Perhaps not, but marriage is not always a financial decision. The man who would marry you for financial gain may be more tolerant of the fact you were not untried. But a love match will not be so forgiving.”
She knew at that moment, she would never give her heart again. How could she allow herself to fall in love and risk this kind of pain again?
“You just told me you don’t love me and you don’t want to marry me. I don’t understand these land rules. I never have.”
“Land rules?”
“You understand my meaning. The thought of marrying me now is quite abhorrent to you and yet you would do it because we engaged in marital relations.”